Recognizing Your Own Feelings and Validating Others
Learning to Recognize Your Own Feelings:
Start with Awareness: The first step in recognizing your own feelings is to become aware of them. Pay attention to your physical sensations, thoughts, and reactions in different situations. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” even if the answer isn’t immediately clear.
Name Your Emotions: Once you’ve noticed a feeling, try to name it. It could be as simple as “I feel sad,” “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel happy.” If you’re unsure, use broader categories like “positive,” “negative,” or “neutral,” and then narrow it down as you become more familiar with your emotional landscape.
Reflect on Triggers: Consider what might be triggering these feelings. Are there specific situations, people, or thoughts that consistently evoke certain emotions? Understanding your triggers can help you predict and manage your feelings more effectively.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you explore your emotions. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, and none of them are inherently “bad.” Avoid judging yourself for what you feel; instead, approach your emotions with curiosity and acceptance.
Learning to Validate Others:
Listen Actively: The foundation of validation is active listening. When someone shares their feelings, focus entirely on them. Put aside distractions, maintain eye contact, and show that you’re fully present in the conversation.
Acknowledge Their Feelings: After listening, acknowledge the person’s feelings. You can say something like, “I can see that you’re really upset,” or “That sounds really challenging.” This shows that you understand and accept their emotional experience, even if you don’t agree with it.
Avoid Fixing or Judging: Validation isn’t about solving the problem or offering advice unless it’s asked for. Instead, it’s about holding space for the other person’s emotions without trying to change them. Resist the urge to dismiss, minimize, or fix their feelings.
Express Empathy: Show empathy by connecting with the other person’s emotional experience. You might say, “I can imagine how difficult that must be,” or “It sounds like you’re really hurt by what happened.” Empathy deepens the connection and reinforces that their feelings are valid.