Managing Anger and Frustration in the Moment.

Managing Anger and Frustration in the Moment

Step 1: Recognize the Feeling

When you feel anger or frustration bubbling up, it’s important to catch it as soon as possible. Here are some clues:

• Physical Sensations: Do you feel tension in your jaw, chest, or shoulders? Are you clenching your fists? Maybe your heart rate increases?

• Emotional Signals: Is there a rising irritation or impatience? Do you want to interrupt or snap back at someone?

• Thought Patterns: Are your thoughts racing or is your inner voice saying things like, "This isn’t fair," or, "Why don’t they listen to me?"

Quick Tip:

Pause for a second and name the emotion: "I’m feeling angry," or "I’m feeling frustrated." Simply acknowledging the feeling helps shift your focus.

Step 2: Calming Strategies

Once you’ve named the feeling, it’s time to calm yourself. Here are some quick techniques you can use while staying present in the meeting:

1. Deep Breathing: Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 counts. Repeat this 3 times.

2. Grounding Technique: Focus on something physical around you—your hands on the table, the pen in your hand, your feet on the floor (wriggle your toes as you do). This sounds silly, but can anchor you back to the moment.

3. Mental Reset: Silently repeat a phrase like, "I am in control of how I respond," or, "I can stay calm and clear."

Step 3: Short Phrases for When You Need a Moment

Sometimes, you might need to step away or set a boundary to collect yourself. Here are a few phrases you can use, depending on the situation:

• If you need a moment to gather your thoughts:
  “I need a second to process this. Can we pause for a moment?”

• If you need to exit briefly and come back:
  “I need to step out for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

• If you need to assert a boundary:
  “I understand your point, but let’s keep the conversation respectful. I’m happy to continue when we’re both calm.”

Step 4: Re-Engage with the Conversation

Once you've taken a moment to calm yourself, it’s important to re-engage in a way that helps you stay in control and be heard. Try these steps:

1. Acknowledge the emotion (if needed):
   “I was feeling frustrated earlier, but I’m ready to continue.”

2. Restate your focus:
   “I’d like to get back to discussing [topic], as I think that’s important right now.”

3. Ask for clarity:
   “Can you clarify that point? I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly.”

Personal Practice

Before your next meeting, try these techniques in a low-stress environment. The more you practice, the easier it’ll become to recognize and manage the emotion when it comes up in relationship.

Remember: It’s not about never feeling angry or frustrated, but about how you handle those feelings when they show up. You've got this!